Score one for the Moms!

So we had a nice long day playing with friends and didn't get home until 10pm. I got my exhausted kids in bed and both sleeping within fifteen minutes (GO ME). I was changing into my pjs and BANG there is a cockroach the size of Egypt scurrying across my bedroom floor! HOLY SHIT! I had no idea you could have a cockroach in your house that big. I thought that was only in the movies. But I guess what can I expect leaving the doggie door wide open all day for Maverick. Anyway, back to the story. What the heck do you do with a crustatian that big? I tried to trap it with a glass- couldn't catch it. So I ran to the next closest room (the bathroom) and grabbed a can of lysol to slow him down. Well when I got back I couldn't find him! So I called in Maverick and had him hunt him down...but he just thought I wanted to play on the floor and started licking me. Just then, Jeff calls. He tells me to stomp it, if/when I find it. We you better believe I'm finding this sucker. How the heck am I supposed to sleep with a bug that big in my bedroom...in my bed..on my face...touching me! EWE!
So here I am, my mission: kill the beast! I'm in my underwear, with running shoes on, a flyswatter in one hand and a can of lysol in the other, oh yeah and Jeff's headlamp on my forehead. (Don't ask me why I feel the need for chemicals, I just do. It slows them down, or puts them in pain I don't know.)
So I tell jeff, "I've got my shoes on and I'm going to kill this B!+@h. Call me back and make sure I'm alive in ten minutes." HAHAHA
So I've determined that he's under my bed. Can he crawl up in my mattress? Can cockroaches jump? hmmm.
I get down on all fours and slowly poke at the few things under my bed, hoping that he'll run out the other way. No such luck, he runs right at me...so I scream and he high tails it the other way. I'm spraying the lysol- but it seems to be having no effect except to make me cough in the small space! I poke at him and make him run the other way. Finally, he comes out the other side. I run over whacking the flyswatter on the carpet trying to get this beast, but they can run SO FAST and kind of hop around. Grrr.
Needless to say I finally have slain the beast and chopped his little body into pieces! I am woman hear me ROAR! Score one for the Moms! (this crap never happens when Jeff's home! The tarantula, the lizards, now the damn cockroach!).